Comments on: Only Children

By: Ellen

Ellen — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 06:17:37 +0000

Just stumbled on this and felt compelled to comment.
I am suffering from secondary infertility but I’m okay with that. If the universe chooses to give me another child then so be it, but I already have a two-year-old son who has made life as beautiful as it could possibly be.
Try explaining that perspective to my mothers group (or as I like to call it, Fertility Club). There are questions, ranging from “but aren’t you really depressed about it?” and “don’t you worry about how lonely he will be?”. Then there are comments, like “Maybe you’d find it easier if you didn’t drink so much coffee”, or “Maybe your life is just too busy for you to be fertile.”
It’s the same nasty, corrosive, passive-aggressive crap you get with discussions about any aspect of parenthood.

By: Grimalkin

Grimalkin — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 23:21:44 +0000

I’m an only child. It’s always surprised me how unapologetic people are when they talk about how monstrous only-children are and I inform them that I happen to be one. The best I usually get is “you’re the exception that proves the rule” or “well I didn’t mean you” or “you’re parents must have been really good cause you turned out okay.” If we were discussing anything other than only-children, it would instantly be identified as putting one’s foot in one’s mount and there would be plenty of apologies all around. But only-children? Nope!

By: Brooke

Brooke — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 16:48:16 +0000

Thanks for this post. I’ve been totally on the fence about our family size since my daughter was born. Her birth was really traumatic for me, and the thought of being pregnant again isn’t very welcome right now. My husband and I always said that we’d make two babies, and if we wanted more than two children, we would adopt. I’ve started thinking (and talking) about possibly adopting “next time,” but I’m still not even sure I want another baby. Sure, she has her tricky moments, but our daughter (almost 1) is rockin awesome. I know I would love another child of mine (birthed or adopted) as much as Sadie, but I don’t know how I could LIKE someone as much as I like her. I come from a large family, with siblings who are making medium-to-large families of their own. I’m not getting a ton of pressure about having a second, but I don’t know how long that will last. On the other hand, since we all live in the same city, my daughter has loads of cousins to play with (seven already). Part of me doesn’t want to leave her an only child, mostly because she really does like being around other children, but another part of me kind of doesn’t want to have another baby. This feels like a much harder decision than getting pregnant with Sadie was!

By: Chris

Chris — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 04:01:51 +0000

The Nerd, I know a couple of mothers of only children because of multiple miscarriages.

By: The Nerd

The Nerd — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 21:17:48 +0000

@Konni

I suggest that the next person who asks this question receive the response of her bursting into tears, crying unintelligibly about miscarriage, and then running from the room.

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:05:55 +0000

Lesley,

If we have a second (unlikely, as I’ve just written), we might adopt. I admit I was one of those who ignorantly said I might, “adopt one and have one of my own” before I really knew how offensive that was to couples who have adopted. And then I got it. Of course that would be my own child!

By: Lesley B.

Lesley B. — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 00:33:09 +0000

My husband and I have always planned to have only one child, for a variety of reasons. We adopted a child just over a year ago and telling some people he will be our only child boggles their little tiny minds. They constantly ask us, “Don’t you want one of your own?” That comment makes me feel very stabby! The looks I get when I say, “He is our own child” are quite amusing as he is black and we are white. They don’t get that an adopted child (from Africa!!) is our own child as much as if he had journeyed through my vagina in Canada.
I’ve had some people comment that I should have/adopt a sibling, but I can usually deflect them, if need be.

By: Jodi

Jodi — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:05:48 +0000

We had two kids so they entertain each other. Less work for me! Yea!

I think there are only children who are selfish and there are children with siblings who are selfish. It’s all the parenting. If you only have one child, don’t make them the king or queen of the household. Teach them life isn’t fair, you have to share, and you can’t always get your way.

By: Tekla

Tekla — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 04:42:09 +0000

All ya need is one good one!

By: Konni

Konni — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 23:59:12 +0000

It would be funny, just once, to concoct a really lugubrious, melodramatic story about why you can’t have another — serves the busy-body right!