Pre-School Encounters
My oldest daughter just started pre-school last week. Phew! And so ended a stressful eight months of applications, interviews, play dates, and worrying. Here are some observations about our experience. Call it, “Two Atheist Skeptics Go Pre-School Shopping.”
Yes, Interviews
Our city was very competitive for pre-school slots, so the schools really had the advantage. And, they put their applicants through the paces. Most of the schools had orientations, long applications, parent interviews, and toddler play dates as part of their selection process.
The parent interviews were really the worst part. You knew they were judging everything about you, which made it incredibly awkward. Did I talk too much? Did my husband talk enough? Did we ask the right questions? Was there spinach in my teeth? The play dates were also stressful because you knew it was important for your child to make a good impression. But, how exactly? What were the schools looking for during this fifteen minutes of observation? The monitors had clipboards in hand and continued to take notes throughout the play date. What were they writing? If my kid takes a toy from another kid, are we off the list? The purpose of the play date never ceased to mystify us.
It became more difficult over time to take the complicated process seriously knowing it’s all for pre-school. I mean, it’s not Harvard we’re applying to. It’s a place where three- and four-year olds spend a few hours running around every day. Geez, lighten up, people.
Who Took the Cheese?
Pre-schools are no exception to misinformation and woo. Just because the word “school” is in the title doesn’t mean some of the people in charge aren’t crackpots. One particular place we considered was a “cheese-free” school. They had banned cheese for kids–not for allergy reasons, but rather for nutritional reasons. The school claimed new reports had come out saying kids shouldn’t eat cheese. My husband and I exchanged a quick “WTF?!” look at this announcement.
I couldn’t find any mentions of said anti-cheese reports, but I did find plenty of nutritional information that said cheese is part of a healthy diet for pre-schoolers. From the USDA Food Pyramid recommendations for pre-schoolers:
Choose fat-free or low-fat milk, yogurt, and cheese. If you choose milk or yogurt that is not fat-free, or cheese that is not low-fat, the fat in the product counts as part of the discretionary calorie allowance.
What were these people talking about? Fine if you don’t want your kid to have cheese, but the entire school can’t have cheese? Scratch that place off the list.
Snacks and Prayers
In the middle of our pre-school adventure, we decided to move from the city out to the suburbs. So, our search began anew in a different location, where new obstacles presented themselves. It was very difficult to find a pre-school in the ‘burbs that was secular. I did a lot of research into options and the choices were limited. (I’ve heard similar complaints from other rational parents in different parts of the country.)
So, my husband and I had long discussions about how much religion was tolerable in a pre-school. (Him: None. Me: Would prefer none, but a little religion won’t scar her for life.) Was a prayer before snack a big deal? Could we watch our daughter participate in a holiday Baby Jesus production? What about a school that was inside a religious structure, but not affiliated with the religion?
I should explain a bit about our trepidation. We don’t want to shield our kids from religion their whole lives, or brainwash them against it. Instead, we want them to make their own decisions and explore whatever religion they feel necessary at the appropriate time. However, we don’t want to send them to “school” to learn, and then tell them that what school teaches is wrong. For instance, say our daughter learns to recite a prayer before snack time at school, and then wants to continue that practice at home. So, we have to tell her it’s not what we do at home? This counter-programming seemed to conflict with our notion of “school.”
In the End
It came down to two secular schools, both of which were two to three times more expensive than the religious schools. So, we chose one and our daughter seemed happy there in her first week.
We walked away from the whole experience with a wish list. First, open good secular schools and use a lottery for admission. Second, don’t charge an arm and a leg for it. Third, let them eat cheese.
Photo courtesy of Flickr: Jeremy Barwick
Squillo Said,
September 21, 2009 @ 6:08 pm
I’m right there with you. The school we finally settled on for our daughter had all the right elements: high marks from like-minded friends, convenient location & hours, great facility, plus our kid loved it at the very first visit.
However, the info packet included a permission form to give her “homeopathic remedies” for minor bumps & bruises. I told them we don’t do homeopathy, and a hug, a sip of water and a band-aid would be our preferred treatment for minor boo-boos.
The teacher–who is otherwise quite wonderful–once told me that she attributed my daughter’s independent spirit and strong will to her astrological sign.
There seems to be no escape from woo, at least where I live (the next closest preschool is a Waldorf.) I’m not too concerned about what 2 years of preschool will do to my kid. I’m more worried about the local elementary school adopting curricula that are based on shaky evidence.
What are skeptically-minded parents to do? Start our own preschools, I guess.
Deb Said,
September 21, 2009 @ 7:18 pm
Wow. We have government run pre-schools, every 4 year old is entitled to 4 half days but it’s not compulsory and they pretty much have to take you at your local one. They’re attached to Primary schools and have a curriculum, but it’s all life skills and getting used to the school environment. So unless you want to go private, we don’t have any of those concerns.
Having said that, we live in a very small town and I’m nervous about my little girl going next year because of the amount of bullying. Much as I really seriously don’t want to, we might end up homeschooling for Primary school.
Theresa Said,
September 22, 2009 @ 8:16 am
Great post. Some of the secular schools could use a bit more skepticism, both regarding their own special snowflake-ness and the yuppie woo.
you wrote: “However, we don’t want to send them to “school” to learn, and then tell them that what school teaches is wrong.”
For me, ideally, kids and parents should feel free to evaluate and disagree, intelligently, with facts & opinions that are presented in school. We should be aware of the content of the lessons (not just about religion — how about American history?). A good school will leave you space to disagree, e.g. they may encourage grace, but they ought not to tell your kids that they’ll burn in hell if they don’t say grace.
I dunno, I’m the mama of a 2-year-old who doesn’t talk back yet (at least not intelligently) so I may be over-idealizing here.
I admit I would be uncomfortable if my son, who goes to a Jewish nursery school, suddenly wanted to do blessings at home. But my response (assuming I kept my head) would be “Mummy and I don’t do that, but you can if you want to.” If he asked why, I could give details.
Even for me, there is a limit to how much religious content I want in the classroom. Our present school has a mix of religions among the students, and they spend just a couple of hours a week on Jewish topics — Shabbat and some holiday stuff. I could not handle running interference with a classical Hebrew school where half the day is spent on Torah, Talmud and laws.
Vanessa Said,
September 22, 2009 @ 2:05 pm
Well, out here in the Chicago suburbs there isn’t much competition.
We think we found a great little school here. I really fell in love with it. But as we went into the older class (it’s montessori, so the 6-9 year olds) and I somehow mentioned I was an artist. This inspired the woman giving the tour to tell me the main teacher of that room does all kinds of artsy stuff including a raw foods diet.
Sigh. That doesn’t bode well. I’ll investigate if that’s just her sacred cow or if she’s into all kinds of that stuff.
Lauren Said,
September 22, 2009 @ 7:55 pm
This continues to strike a chord with me. I live in a good-sized community (C-bus, OH) and was FLOORED when we were preschool shopping. All I wanted was secular and struggled to find one last year. Now my oldest is old enough to attend a program in our school district. I’m so thankful that the public schools aren’t pushing ideals/ethics/whatnot onto our children. My next son will be enrolling in the same program next year. Hooray for separation!
Julie Said,
September 23, 2009 @ 11:12 am
We might have gotten lucky. Our infant room is attached to a preschool and not only is it pretty great, it’s very low cost all of a sudden. A new company bought out the folks who were running the place before, so the center is no longer affiliated with the county. It’s a private operation. They’re paying teachers less and brought in their own staff and let go our favorite teacher. We were heartbroken. But we had to admit the new folks were great. And they lowered the price by about 30%. So we might stay on for preschool. No religious affiliation at this place.
Anyway, even when you find a good place, the management can change in one short month, so you just never know. We seem to have lucked out.
Fiona Said,
September 24, 2009 @ 4:58 pm
ugh Glad we have govvie-run preschools here In Canberra.
Cheese? WTF?
Activities For Preschoolers Said,
September 29, 2009 @ 12:22 pm
Yes, picking a preschool that is going to live up to your expectations involves some thorough research.
You definitely want to know about the curriculum and structure as well as the environment and professionalism of the educators.
After all, preschool is much more than just ‘babysitting’ children and letting them run around-it is setting them up for success and interaction with life.