Kitchen Nightmares: The Childhood Edition
I recently did some research over a current issue and had an A-HA! moment.
Over the last year or so, my two and a half year-old has caused me many mealtime headaches. She became stuck on her favorite foods and wasn’t willing to try anything new. More frustratingly, some foods she used to like were suddenly offensive. I made every effort to keep her meals balanced, fresh, and a combination of old and new foods. I also introduced some of the childhood favorites. Aren’t all kids supposed to like pizza and peanut butter/jelly sandwiches? Well, mine didn’t. I’ve even given her foods endorsed by her favorite TV characters (did you know there is an Elmo pizza?). She became pickier and pickier until she was eating a rotation of only seven or eight food items.
The experts say kids will generally try a new food after it’s been served to them 10-15 times. Well, in our house, no matter how many times carrots, avocado or sweet potatoes had been served (answer: countless), she still wouldn’t eat them. And the amount of food that we threw away could feed another family. My mommy friends were no help. “Oh, wow, that’s awful. I never had any food issues with (insert Perfect Son/Daughter name here), though. He/She was a great eater.” Yeah, my daughter was too–until around one and a half years old. Then, it was like someone put the breaks on her taste buds.
I really felt like I was failing as a mom. My husband suspected it was the Too-Many-Good-Snacks Syndrome, so we gave her smaller portions and only healthy snack options. Didn’t help with meals. Then, I thought eating dinner together as a family would help. It didn’t. In a fit of Oprah-driven desperation, I bought the Jessica Seinfeld book “Deceptively Delicious” hoping to sneak veggies into otherwise acceptable foods. The brownies with beets went over like a lead balloon. To this day, my daughter still won’t try another brownie. If the point of the book was to turn kids off sweets, it was a success!
My pediatrician’s advice was not to make an issue out of food because she was growing normally. She’ll eat when she’s hungry, so make sure to offer healthy choices and let her decide. If she doesn’t eat at all, don’t sweat it. Kids can skip meals. But, the I-can’t-let-my-child-go-hungry urge in this mother is strong. I wanted to make sure she was eating, and also eating right. So, there were many meal-time battles in our house.
Recently, I did what I should have done long ago: read up on kids, growth, and food. I learned a lot about the general eating patterns for kids and discovered that–here’s the shocking part–it’s not my fault.
First, a child’s growth rate generally slows right around the time they start walking (between years one and two). They require less energy, so they aren’t as hungry. (This seems obvious, I know, but I never put it together.)
Second, because they don’t need as much food, they won’t eat three hefty meals a day. In fact, according to this article, kids will likely eat two–or possibly only one–quality meals a day.
While you should provide three well-balanced meals each day, it is important to keep in mind that most children will only eat one or two full meals each day. If you child has had a good breakfast and lunch, then it is okay that he doesn’t want to eat much at dinner.
Third, “food jags” are okay, if the food is healthy. Don’t worry if the child is stuck in a rut and will only eat the same thing, meal after meal. Offer variety and wait it out–food jags don’t usually last more than a few days.
All of this knowledge has made a huge difference in the way we approach food with our daughter, and it’s helped. We’ve had some major successes with new foods (like edamame–who would have guessed she’d like that?) and her diet has become more balanced. I’m less frustrated and we’re throwing less food away. Slowly but surely, I know if I keep trying it will get better.
molly Said,
April 2, 2009 @ 1:11 pm
food weirdnesses are universal, those other parents were LYING to you. my child has demanded oatmeal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for five months now!
JSug Said,
April 2, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
Good to know we aren’t alone. Our 3 year-old son has been going through the exact same thing. Right around his 2nd birthday, he started getting more picky about what he would eat. He used to love all kinds of vegetables, now there are very few he will so much as touch. And he definitely is less inclined to eat dinner these days. That started just a few months ago. I wasn’t that worried, as he gets good balanced meals at daycare, but my wife drives herself nuts some nights trying to find something he’ll eat. If I’m in charge, I just put a small portion of whatever we’re eating on a plate for him, and if he doesn’t want it, fine. I don’t feel inclined to prepare a separate meal, as I feel that’s a bad precedent to set. The only exception I’ll make is if we’re eating something I absolutely know he won’t like. Like last night, we had chili, and he doesn’t like the spiciness. So I heated up some leftovers for him.
Stacy Said,
April 2, 2009 @ 3:33 pm
18 months exactly over here. He’s over three now and down to a dozen things he eats in rotation. Consistent efforts to get vegetative matter past his lips fails, with the occasional exception of applesauce, pizza sauce, and whatever fruit he gets out of the bottom of his YoBaby cups…
Cindy Said,
April 2, 2009 @ 6:33 pm
I know it sounds harsh, but you guys are the parents! You are in charge, you are the adults. Seriously, I go crazy when I hear, “My kid only eats three things” “my kid won’t eat healthy food” Can they drive to the store and get those three things at 18 months?
Why on earth do they have that option?
Why does any parent cater to food brattiness? It is not doing them any favors health wise nor behaviour wise. It is abdicating your responsibility. For millions of years we struggled to have enough food to survive, we ate what we got our hands on. Now kids demand chicken nuggets and pizza or throw a tantrum and the parents cave?
I have four healthy happy, well adjusted kids and we only extremely rarely have any food issues. How did that happen? Not by feeding them only what they liked.
When the kids go through a picky phase I make a healthy meal and serve them whatever is likely to be the least liked foods first. When they eat that they get the other foods. If they don’t eat what is served, they apparently aren’t hungry enough and the food is saved until the morning or later when they are hungry. Simple as that. It works. The kids learn to eat what is served to them even if it isn’t their favorite and even if it is something they don’t like much. If they really dislike something they’ll tell me and I’ll try not to serve it again, but that only works a few times for specific things, not for “I don’t like anything that is green”. The one thing I can promise is that a normal kid will not starve themselves rather than eat that vegetable lasagna.
Once the kids learn that they need to eat thing that aren’t exactly what they want at that instant, and that things that aren’t their favorite are eatable, they stop fighting it and start enjoying it. Seriously. If you asked one of my kids what they want to eat right now they might say cookies, but if you gave them a salad they would enjoy it and like the crunch and the sweet taste of the tomatoes or the bitterness in the sprouts. They also understand the nutrition and understand how to make good choices and not overindulge.
Think about it, would you be happy if you only could enjoy eating a couple of things and were miserable in all of the social situations where you had to have new food or every time you tried to eat healthier? Why are you raising your kids to be that way?
This sounds harsh to the cater to every desire crowd, but it gives them the gift of a wide open pallet and the ability to eat strange and new things. My kids have had a great time trying foods from other cultures. How many people now a days can take their kids to an Indian restaurant for the first time and have the chef prepare the special for them? Then they eat it while talking about what new flavors in the meal they like or dislike. That is the sort of gift you give your kids by not giving in to feeding them only what they want.
Diane Said,
April 2, 2009 @ 9:23 pm
My oldest ate everything until two, slowly dropped foods out of his diet and refused anything new, but when he was older we started insisting he have a morsel of everything. At 12 he can get anything down, though he doesn’t love everything. My younger wasn’t as picky, but has more trouble trying new foods still. When we can afford to eat out, the kids are fine with the menus.
Do what you can. You’re not raising brats. Some people are pickier than others. Hopefully we can encourage them to vary their diets. But maybe not.
People are weird about food. I cannot tell you the number of adults in my life who have some food dislike or another. Why should kids be any different? People seem to be really judgemental about others’ food intake.
I will try haggis when I go to Scotland, but am not optimistic about liking it. Still, who knows?
jessie Said,
April 2, 2009 @ 10:40 pm
Nice post Jodi! This is some good info.
catgirl Said,
April 3, 2009 @ 6:12 am
Another thing to consider is food allergies. I used to baby-sit a toddler who was very lactose-intolerant, and I think she had some other food allergies too. In general, she just got sick easily. Eventually she learned to associate any food with throwing up all night, and so she didn’t want to eat anything. After her parents figured out everything that makes her sick and avoided it, she eventually learned to like eating again.
I’ve never been a fan of people who tell you how to sneak vegetables into food, because I know it never worked with me as a child. If I found mushrooms or peppers in my food, I would just pick them out or refuse to eat it at all. So my parents just stuck to the vegetables that I already liked.
Meg Said,
April 3, 2009 @ 7:15 am
Nice post, Cindy. I agree completely and have had the same experience as you.
It also helps to model open-mindedness with your own eating. My child has never seen me say “I don’t like that. I won’t eat it.” I say “I’ve never tried that. Let me check it out.” … “That’s a different kind of taste. I’m not used to it, so I’ll have to try it again next time I get a chance.”
Studies have suggested that distaste, unless it comes from a bad experience (e.g., vomiting after eating something), is simply a negative reaction to the novelty of the taste or texture. Moderate amounts, 8-12 times, and it is no longer novel; it becomes acquired.
I would add that if you make the food negotiable, you may turn meal time into a battleground. Many children at that age are struggling for independence and ways to control their environment. One way for them to do this is to refuse to eat what you want them to eat. Food in this culture can be complicated enough — why add control issues to it?
Helene Said,
April 3, 2009 @ 11:21 am
When my older son was a toddler there were days we were lucky to get 10 bites of food into him. Toddler-size bites. I know because I tracked what he ate for weeks, I was so concerned. It took me forever to accept my pediatrician’s wisdom: he’s healthy, he’s growing, trust him to take what he needs.
He’s a healthy, smart 8-year-old now who will try almost any food (really – sea urchin, swiss chard, whatever) and I think that’s because we didn’t have the battles about food. Thank goodness for that pediatrician!
Fanisse Said,
April 3, 2009 @ 9:43 pm
But, Helene, what you say flies in the face of what the exceedingly competent and wise Cindy says. If what you say is true, then we don’t have to worry no matter which way we go and Cindy doesn’t want this. What to do?!!
Debbie Said,
April 4, 2009 @ 10:04 am
Cindy, I guess we can’t all be as good as parents as you are. I’m sure, because every child is the same, every child would eat as well as your kids if only we could be exactly like you.
I didn’t read anywhere in this post where Jodi said she was giving her kids cookies or that she relented when her kids didn’t want to eat something green. Instead, what I read was a reasoned attempt to do whatever she could to feed her kids healthy food., backed by a little research and a little empirical data. She also ends the post with accounts of positive changes in her daughter’s diet as a result of her efforts.
You, on the other hand, offer nothing but sanctimonious anecdote. Oh, sorry. You did offer one other thing–the admission that you try not to serve things your kids like on those rare occasions when your über-parenting doesn’t fly. Followed, of course, with the condescending dismissal that Jodi let’s her daughter pick her meals by Pantone.
This one-parenting-fits-all nonsense is really infuriating.
Great article on a picky eater « Teambaby’s Baby Blog Said,
April 8, 2009 @ 8:34 am
[...] I found this article from Rational Moms to be reassuring and [...]
Jodi Said,
April 8, 2009 @ 3:27 pm
As a follow-up, a piece on picky eaters ran in the Miami Herald today. It gives 10 tips you can follow in order to help kids eat at mealtimes.
http://www.miamiherald.com/living/story/958913.html
Two of the tips were of particular interest to me, and sounded like really good ideas:
“6. Leave taste out of it. Talk about a food’s color, shape, aroma and texture — not whether it tastes good.
7. Make it fun. Serve broccoli and other veggies with a favorite dip or sauce. Cut foods into various shapes with cookie cutters.”