But on the topic of unsolicited comments, I was told constantly that I was having a boy because of the way I “carried”. If I had a boy, I might have had a little irrational inkling that there was something to that. But I had a girl, and I LOVED telling people so when they told me otherwise.

I’m happy to say that I’ve gotten very little unsolicited advice or comments with my one year old, apart from old ladies (why always old ladies?) telling me she should dress more warmly. I didn’t mind this, because I love old ladies (particularly ones with very limited English) and really she probably should dress more warmly.

People very, very often think she’s a boy (probably because we dress her like one, that is, we don’t dress her like she’s the princess of fairy candyland) and that doesn’t bother me either. What bothers me is when they find out otherwise and they get wildly apologetic and embarrassed. What does THAT say? What does it mean that they think it’s a horrible insult to call a girl a boy? Oh, the posts I could post about gender and babies…

Sometimes, after dressing her in something like brown cords and a button-down shirt, my husband and I sigh and say lovingly, “our son is so handsome”. It’s our little joke.

4 kids into this journey, I truly think that people share their horror stories, or their Opinions On The Way Things Should Be Done, since they are a little insecure about the choices that they made with their own kids/birthing/pregnancy/breastfeeding/parenting, that if they can convince you to do the same, then it validates the choices that they made, and makes them feel that they did the right thing.

And some people are just idiots, with no idea about thinking before they open their mouths

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. I am so glad to hear that you aren’t morning sick, I was sick 24/7 for most of each of my pregnancies, and I don’t blame myself for being sick at all. But it is the pits…

I really don’t know why people were telling me those stories—can you think of a charitable reason? Maybe to prepare me? I would rather not have known…

Others here are right, though. If you think the advice is annoying now, just wait until well-meaning people start telling you what to feed your newborn, how to hold your newborn, and a whole range of other things.

My favorite piece of unsolicited advice came from a waitress in a restaurant (what is it about waitresses?). My oldest son was born in late June, which in Austin, Texas, is not a time anyone would consider remotely cool (temperature-wise). Nevertheless, this waitress insisted that we should cover our son up with a blanket (or rather we should create a tent out of his carrier and a blanket) so he wouldn’t “catch colic.” I politely reminded her that it was almost 100 degress outside (not much of an exaggeration) and that I thought he would be just fine.

Anyway, you can expect a lot more where all that advice is coming from. Well, unless you have a second child. Then it seems to subside.

It only gets worse, unfortunately. Just wait until the touching starts. People I encountered thought pregnancy was magical. Me, on the other hand, couldn’t wait for it to be over. I had to fake enthusiasm a LOT in those last few months.

I’m 21 weeks pregnant with our first child (!), so I can definitely relate to what you’re going through! I’ve been really surprised and shocked at everyone’s constant stream of advice! (And because I’m currently getting a graduate degree in Gender Studies, I can’t help but be reflective about how being a “Pregnant Body” somehow also makes me a public body — with free invitation from all to comment, touch, talk to my growing belly, etc.). It’s a really interesting experience.

I’ve gotten a lot of the horoscope / star sign stuff too! The first time it came up, someone asked what astrological sign our baby would be, and I was so surprised by it I didn’t know what to say. They couldn’t believe I hadn’t looked into it! I thought of all these great comebacks about an hour later, but I was so shell shocked, I really just stood there awkwardly while they ranted on about how their brother was also a Leo (or whatever sign they figured my baby would be) and how he is always xyz, yadda yadda yadda….

The other things I’ve gotten thus far:

1) (From random acquaintances around the university I work at / attend): “OH! You’re pregnant! I just thought you were gaining some weight!” — Geeee, thanks for that. Cause it’s not hard enough to adjust to gaining weight *deliberately* for the first time in my life…. Not to mention the fact that I was small to begin with and have worked REALLY hard to gain the appropriate, recommended amounts / eat healthy / exercise etc. Good to know people just thought I was developing a beer gut for those first few months. Thanks for sharing. (Social filter, anyone?)

2) (From family members, friends, strangers, etc.) “Oh, you’re planning on doing XYZ (insert parenting philosophy, labor choice, etc. here)? That will NEVER work. Trust me, I’m a mom / have already been through that.”
Firstly, the fact that my husband and I pride ourselves on being DELIBERATE and (over) researched in nearly every choice we make SHOULD be a giant red flag to people who know us well. (Come on, we actually have to make a concerted effort to be spontaneous about choices like where to eat dinner because we’re so damn heady about everything else!) But it doesn’t matter. “They” (the advice givers) always seem to assume that we’ve decided on all these choices on a complete lark, and we’re no more committed to them than we would be about our choice of breakfast cereal. The most annoying aspect of this is that despite responding with the numerous books / studies / personal reflections etc. that inform our choices, somehow being pregnant with your *FIRST* child invalidates your ability to make “real” choices. The other party just asserts their superiority / anecdotal “knowledge” as “expertise” — as though they can’t see that their experience and choices may not be Universally Applicable! (IE, “Well, I thought that too, but it didn’t work. Trust me, you’ll see.” etc.)

3) Another annoying aspect of things is the seemingly public exclusion of my husband. When we’re out in public, people don’t address “us” — a couple expecting their first child, they address me and *maybe* give a half smile to my husband at the end, or make some lame gender joke about how he’s going to avoid changing diapers or something. The worst of this has even come from some of our visits to various radiology centres for ultrasounds! The nurses speak directly to me and virtually render my husband invisible — as though he’s an unnecessary extension of the process. In one clinic, a nurse actually tried to seat me in a tiny waiting “closet” (one of those curtained off spaces where people get changed into a gown for Xrays) and my husband had to say, “We won’t both fit in this little space” and the nurse responded with (I kid you not), “Well, you could wait for her outside, or sit on the floor.” We were both like, “Um…we’d like him to be present for the scan, thanks.” It’s really strange — as though people don’t value his part in my pregnancy. He’s found the constant stream of gender jokes equally annoying, since he really wants to construct himself as a 100% equal parent — involved in the emotional nurturing, diaper changing, feeding, etc. It’s almost like society assumes all dads are blubbering idiots who only like playing football with their sons or something.

Ugh.

Look forward to more stories as things progress! Wishing you good health and a smooth pregnancy!

“Yes, they mean well but it does imply that I haven’t thought about this and I find that slightly insulting.”

THANK YOU! I could NOT get my father-in-law to understand this. He’s telling me when to sit down, asking me if I should be lifting that, etc. etc. and I’m saying, “well gosh, I mean, I’ve only been living on my own, without parental intrusion, for a decade before getting married. I couldn’t possibly have any idea how to handle something like being pregnant without YOU telling me!” And it still continues today, because his wrist is the only one that REALLY knows if the bottle is the right temperature. I wonder what he thinks happens for the other hundreds of bottles I make when he’s not around?

That’s cool for you that you didn’t have morning sickness. I never really had it myself either, but many of my friends had horrible morning sickness, for no apparent reason. So, as you’ve already said, be happy and consider yourself lucky!