I know the type of person I am; I know what motivates me and I know what I need to be happy. My job is one of those things. So is being a mom. I do not feel the two are exclusive of one another. I think each person has to do what is right for them. The best analogy I have heard on this topic is that it’s similar to the instructions you get on an airplane – “Secure your own oxygen mask first; then secure your child’s.” When you first hear that, your instinct may be to think it sounds odd. Why wouldn’t you take care of the child first? But the fact of it is, if you don’t care of yourself first, you may be unable to help your child at all.

So you figure out what you need to take care of yourself and how to keep yourself a healthy, happy person, and then in turn you are better equipped to provide the help and support your child needs. For me, that happens to be work. For others, it may be something else. But in the end if we each are able to provide our child with a loving, well-adjusted content parent, that should be what matters.

Kelly, I guess what I mean is that I feel very strongly about being with my daughter. And because it seems like the most natural thing in the world for me to want, passionately, to be with her all day, and be her primary caregiver, it’s hard for me to imagine not finding those feelings, both in myself and in others.

To be painfully honest, and at the risk of causing some offense, I can’t imagine leaving a very young, say 6 week old baby (as some do) in the care of others and part of me finds it even a little shocking.

I really want to clarify that I’m articulating my feelings here. I don’t seek to impose them on others, and I respect that others feel differently. Thanks for asking.

“I’m not sure I get people who don’t feel strongly about raising their own children…”

Unsurprisingly, I think the stay-at-home option is the most beneficial for a child – but only if the mom wants to stay at home. I’m not sure I get people who don’t feel strongly about raising their own children, but ultimately there is no benefit to a child to stay at home with a mom who’s miserable with her choice. Choices have to be made to benefit the family as a unit.

Anyway, I know how bad the daytime TV can be. In high school, I got the worst flu ever and had to miss a week of school. The worst part of it wasn’t the sore throat, runny nose, or headache, but the extreme boredom of terrible TV. I just could never get into soap operas or Jerry Springer.

It doesn’t always have to be an either/or proposition. The amount of time and energy that child-rearing takes is dramatically different when we’re talking about taking care of a baby or toddler vs. taking care of kids who are old enough to go to school (and direct some of their own play at home). I wouldn’t lump the two situations together. Cutting back on hours or taking some time off during those few incredibly hectic years when your babies are small isn’t the same thing as deciding to give up your job or career entirely.