“You do not walk up to a complete stranger and criticize their parenting”
Here’s an interesting incident described by one of the bloggers from my ex-Mormon blogroll (Outer Blogness):
While we were in that room with Lucy, looking at the diorama of evolution, some woman walks up and asks Lizz, “Did I hear you correctly when you said that ’some people believe in evolution’?”
This led to the following:
The entire exchange lasted only a few moments, but I distinctly remember that I led Jillie away from the Crazy as quickly as possible. I wanted to smack that lady across the mouth.
The funny thing is that I do, to a certain degree, believe in evolution. I also believe in God. and I also believe that YOU DO NOT WALK UP TO A COMPLETE STRANGER AND CRITICIZE THEIR PARENTING.
Personally, I’d like to encourage everyone — yes, including theists — to visit and enjoy science museums and see how amazing and fascinating science is. And I would never make other people’s visits unpleasant by putting them in a defensive position, especially if no one asked for my opinion. I’m very much a partisan of the idea that different things work for different families, so — short of real abuse — I hate passing judgment others’ parenting techniques.
I like to believe that incidents like this one are the exception, and that the skeptic crowd is more willing to allow for a range of right ways to do things (see the post on formula, for example, or even some of discussion in my post about public transportation etiquette).
On the other hand, I may be biased, and there may well be people reading this who think that “the Crazy”’s action was not only typical of science-minded folks, but justified.
Opinions?
thordora Said,
December 4, 2008 @ 12:39 pm
My kid, my discussion, period. Regardless of the side the OP is on. I cannot STAND that type of thing, and lord knows I’ve bitten my own tongue enough times. It’s just plain RUDE to begin with…
JSug Said,
December 4, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
I don’t think it’s typical behavior. At least, I hope not. Some people are just rude, no matter what their world-view.
teacherninja Said,
December 4, 2008 @ 1:30 pm
That’s something I’ve never really gotten over. I don’t even argue, just walk away. I don’t CARE how you do it unless I ASK, ok? The lady at a store we were in recently was fawning over my daughter, then asked when we were having another. After finding out we’re not she got all snippy. Hey, guess what, it’s none of your business lady! Jeez. I mean what if we wanted to and couldn’t, for crying out loud? How rude. People can be awful.
Of course, that being said, I wouldn’t hesitate to question the sanity of anti-vaxxers out loud. I wouldn’t fight or get in their face, but I would ask if they’d read certain things (like maybe this site!) and might even go so far as to look at them pityingly, shaking my head and sighing.
John Said,
December 4, 2008 @ 1:59 pm
The real issue is that the statement “some people believe in evolution” is not necessarily equivalent with “evolution is just something that some people believe in”, as the nosy lady in the story apparently believed. Without any context, I would see the former as a simple statement of fact, and a true one.
aerin Said,
December 4, 2008 @ 2:09 pm
I think it is situational. I don’t think I would correct someone who is telling their child something at a museum or library.
But if we’re at a park, and another person’s child knocks my two year old over, and the parent is clearly nowhere within eyesight, I may say something to that child. Something like “hey! he (or she) is little. Did you realize you knocked them over?” Or ” is your mom/dad around?” This has, in fact, happened, more than once.
Not always. Most of the time I try to sit back and let my kids resolve some of these issues themselves. But there are times when I think it’s appropriate (and age specific).
I don’t know that speaking up in these types of situations is necessarily rude, I think it’s just enforcing boundaries that your child may not be able to enfore yet.
shirky Said,
December 4, 2008 @ 3:14 pm
I see an escalatingly wacky scene where she says to her kid
“Some people believe in evolution,” and my kid hears her, so I have to say,
“Scientific evidence of evolution is all around us,” to my kid, a little louder,
and then we each keep saying things, a little louder and more strident, passively aggressively arguing with each other while pretending just to talk to our kids…
anyway it is funny in my head.
chanson Said,
December 4, 2008 @ 11:17 pm
Thordora, JSug, teacherninja — exactly, that’s about what I was thinking when reading the story.
John — True, there’s a real distinction there. I still wouldn’t phrase it as “some people believe in evolution” when talking to my own kids, but what the original poster was teaching his kid wasn’t unreasonable. And — as he points out — he’d taken his kid to a science museum to let the evidence speak for itself. One can hardly ask for more than that. After all, science absolutely isn’t about forcing people to agree or even about basing conclusions on appeals to authority. It’s about evidence and reasoning that you can understand if you’re interested in digging in!
Aerin — Yeah, I think the playground has its own code. When your kids are playing with someone else’s kids and you have to intervene, it’s not like that’s out of the blue and uninvited. Of course, it seems like these days parents tend to keep a close eye on their kids on the playground, and correct their own kids immediately if they’re not taking turns or something. I know I do. I hit on this a bit in my transportation etiquette post linked above.
Shirky — lol, that would be a funny way to deal with the situation.