Parenting for Primates
Posted by: chansonWednesday, October 29th, 2008
I’ve just finished reading a book to amuse and enlighten any science-minded parent: Parenting for Primates by Harriet J. Smith. The author — a primatologist-turned-psychologist — compares parenting techniques across the entire primate order to give human parents some ideas about what works and why.
Naturally this should invite a little skepticism: it’s not clear how relevant the parenting techniques of other species are for humans. Even closely-related species can have very different life strategies. Still, it’s fun to compare and see what we can learn.
Humans stand out from the primate pack in a lot of familiar ways: extensive tool use and language, less inclined to live in trees, and adaptability and success to the point of covering practically the entire land surface of the Earth. Smith points out another big difference that I hadn’t noticed as a difference before: human fathers typically provide resources (food, clothing, shelter) for their offspring. Other primate fathers — if they are involved in the lives of their young at all — tend to provide protection (from rival males who would kill the unweaned babies to send the mother back into estrus), and often assist the mother in carrying and socializing the young, but leave the babies and their mothers to feed themselves.
Like other primate babies, human babies need a lot of care from their parents. The usual technique is just to grab mommy’s fur and hang on. This doesn’t work quite as well with humans, but hunter-gatherer mothers often come close to the same technique, strapping their babies on more-or-less full-time in folds of cloth. It’s a bit harder for humans in the city, but back when my babies were small, I used to strap them on when foraging for food at the grocery store.
A lot of the points made in this book are fairly obvious (human children are better off with two parents and/or an extended family support system, primate adolescents learn parenting skills through babysitting, parental stress can lead to child abuse). Some of the points are a little tricky to apply, such as the fact that children learn potty training more easily living outdoors uncovered instead of wearing diapers that hide what’s happening. Yet it’s fun to read about parenting theory illustrated by tales of gibbons and cotton-top tamarins alongside corresponding stories of human families. And this approach encourages parents to think about the “why?” and “why not?” behind parenting strategies rather than giving a list of one-size-fits-all tips and recipes .
October 29th, 2008 at 5:44 am
This sounds like a cool book. Once I’m done with grad school and can find the time for pleasure reading again, I’ll pick it up. I think there’s lots we can learn about parenting from nature, whether it’s what we should do or what we shouldn’t do, as well as some of the reasons behind why we approach things the way we do.
October 29th, 2008 at 7:14 am
As you say, it’s interesting to thing of such comparisons, even only as a step to questioning your assumptions about modern parenting methods.
This applies to to thinking back into our own history as a species without even getting to our evolutionary environment for which we adapted.
For example, breastfeeding is championed as ‘best’. But for humans (as for all mammals [the clue's in the name]) it’s not best, it’s NORMAL.
October 29th, 2008 at 7:57 am
Re: Once I’m done with grad school and can find the time for pleasure reading again, I’ll pick it up.
Yeah, I know how that goes. On the other hand, even though this book is long and thick, it’s actually fairly light reading.
Re: For example, breastfeeding is championed as ‘best’. But for humans (as for all mammals [the clue's in the name]) it’s not best, it’s NORMAL.
This is a good point (if I’m correctly interpreting what you’re getting at ) : It’s useful to understand how early humans did things and why in order to get a good idea of what kinds of behaviors are normal and healthy for us. At the same time, we don’t have to be limited to doing things exactly the same way our ancestors did things. If our environment has changed, then it’s good to know why XYZ is what we’ve always done — that way we can make an intelligent decision about whether we should continue doing XYZ or whether something else might work better.
Here’s an example of what I mean, based on this book:
The author presents spacing your children three or four years apart as a standard (and effective ) primate strategy for making sure each child gets adequate attention. At the same time, she points out that in a modern, industrial society, it’s often not possible for moms to keep their babies with them all the time (taking them to work, etc. ) . My response (not mentioned by the author ) , would be that many modern humans have found an alternate solution that is better adapted to their modern environment : have exactly two kids, less than two years apart in age. This way, sometimes the mom can find a temporary solution for a few years that might not work as a permanent career option. In my case, I was able to find a temporary situation where I could work from home while my babies were small, which allowed me to breastfeed both of them full time through most of their first year of life. Having fewer children closer together is an option most primates just don’t have, but that doesn’t mean it’s a wrong or bad solution for humans.
October 29th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
What’s everyone doing for safety precautions for Halloween? My husband came across an article (http://i-newswire.com/pr220892.html) with some info about background checking neighbors. I thought that may be a little overboard but it had some other good suggestions for some precautions I haven’t thought about. Last year my youngest son came down with a massive fever after Halloween. I almost thought about just taking the kids to our church’s fall festival this year instead of door-to-door to prevent that from happening again. I don’t know yet. What’s your advice? Am I over-reacted or just being a concerned mom?
October 29th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
It seems like discussions about what is natural really dominate child rearing debates. For example, the baby wearing thing is hugely popular right now where I live, and in some circles it is really touted as almost morally superior to wear your baby all the time.
But like you say, it’s fine for humans to adapt. My baby weighs 20 pounds at only 5 months. We love to carry him around the house, but if we go to the park, we’re all about the stroller. And he seems to love it. Maybe wheeled vehicles are natural if you live in LA.
October 30th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Shelly — For myself, I’m still trying to figure out what people do for Halloween here in Switzerland. Apparently it is celebrated (we’ve got costumes and a pumpkin so far ), but the only thing we’ve got planned is a big snowball fight. Maybe Rational Moms should do a top-level post with this question… ?
Julie — I know how that goes. When my kids were small, I mostly used strollers for going on walks with the family, and would just strap the baby on if I needed my hands free (such as for grocery shopping or if it was just me with my baby and toddler ).
When it comes to parenting tips, the one thing I dislike the most is the “you’re doing it wrong” attitude so many parents give one another. It’s great to share ideas from your experiences, but you shouldn’t necessarily assume that what works or was easy for you would work well for someone else (and if they’re doing things differently, then they’re screwing up ) . Babies (and their parents ) vary so much…
November 12th, 2008 at 8:26 am
[...] was reading along in the book Parenting for Primates (which I discussed here and here), and I found that the author (Harriet J. Smith) devoted four full pages to the reproductive [...]