“What is the corona made of?” “Wow, I didn’t know you where that smart.”

“How do you know when the brownies are done?” “That question shows a clear sign of intelligence my friend!”

“How did you get that wrapping paper to fold so neatly?” “Ah, I see the little gears in your head turning. Lots of gears. Wonderful gears.”

“Where do babies come from?” “It is a perplexing thing isn’t it! I’m so glad you thought to ask. It shows your understanding of the puzzle.”

All these comments encourage the questions. Encourage the curiosity. It is the QUESTIONS not the ANSWERS that makes us brilliant.

Now…first this caused hard feelings with kids that he could have made friends with by bragging and making them feel lesser of a person than him. Second….it took a negative impact on him. He really rebelled and tried to meanto the other kids cause they didn’t want to play with him.

I am sorry but I think it is important to praise your children and also discipline them when they have done wrong….but I don’t think it is a good idea to make them feel like they are better than everyone else…..because technically noone is better than anyone!!

I also teach in high schools in California, and I’ve noticed a lot of kids don’t know grammar. They don’t seem to learn it the way I learned it. Instead, the curriculum in California schools seems to focus on trying to teach kids to feel good about themselves so they will be free to express their thoughts. Even teachers sometimes don’t know some basics of Standard English, and they have made comments to me like, “Well, I don’t want to get hung up on those details and make the kids feel bad about themselves.”

I have also taught ESL to adults, and the same philosophy seems to prevail in that line of work.

I drill grammar. I think kids and adults feel good about themselves when they learn to express themselves well. There’s a positive way to point out what needs to be improved, and I do believe writers feel better about their accomplishment when they’ve truly accomplished a clear piece of writing.

“Eventually, in my final stage of praise withdrawal, I realized that not telling my son he was smart meant I was leaving it up to him to make his own conclusion about his intelligence. Jumping in with praise is like jumping in too soon with the answer to a homework problem—it robs him of the chance to make the deduction himself.”

The Power (and Peril) of Praising…

The Mom101 approach- calling your children smart, beautiful, talented or even perfect every now and then- and recognising when to dial down the praise and find other ways to help keep your children confident and motivated are surely not mutually exclusive. The adage “everything in moderation” is probably not an oversimplification in this instance.

Quite possibly, problems arise when parents start to follow a system or method of praise or motivation as the result of reading one particular study or childcare book.

I would be sceptical of anything truly counter-intuitive to my feelings as a parent. Perhaps the wording in the opening paragraph should read “there are substantial risks to telling your child that he or she is smart 10 times a day, every day”

If the goal is to get the kids to love learning, show them that you love learning. When your kid shows you a page of dinosaurs s/he has drawn, listen and ask questions as your kid explains it. Then help find some related info (in books or on the Internet) to share. Praise (for work or acheivement or whatever ) is secondary.

It’s the same with reading and many other things: if you want your kids to enjoy doing something, then show them you enjoy it.